Why Do I Have Trust Issues? How Can I Fix It?

July 17, 2023

Do people often tell you that you have a hard time trusting others? Have you ever found yourself always doubting the words of your partner? Or do you feel you have been let down too much (betrayed, even), and people no longer tell the truth? Then you have a condition called ‘trust issues.’ While this is a common term thrown around in today’s world, it is, in fact, more severe than it may seem; and you need to know how to get over trust issues. Trust issues can cause you to become lonely — preferring to be alone even if, deep down, you don’t want to be alone. It can also lead to an unhealthy desire for perfection from people around you. When you have trust issues, you most likely won’t be able to trust others with simple tasks, making you feel isolated, stressed, and burned out. Not to mention that relationships with friends, families, and even romantic partners might become impossible. Do you now see that it is not a life that sounds good on paper? But don’t panic. There is a way out. No matter what caused your inability to trust others, you can solve trust issues. But before we get into that, let’s look at the definition of a trust attitude.

What is Trust?

“Do you trust me?” What does that even mean? Does it mean the ability to leave it all behind and follow the words or actions of another person like a robot? A little bit! A study posted by NCBI gives a comprehensive and somewhat uncomfortable definition of trust. They say it is a firm conviction that something or someone will succeed despite conflicting evidence. See that? Conflicting evidence. It means that whether or not there is proof that what the person is saying is true, you still have certainty in the person despite the doubts and the possibility that they may be wrong. So that means that it is not about the situation, the words, or even how you feel. Trust is about the person. That’s also why the question is never like this: “Do you trust what I am saying?” It is usually asked: “Do you trust ME?” Because the person’s words might not be factual. It might not have the probability to be true. It might not even make sense. So what are the signs of trust? How can you tell when one person trusts another?

How can you tell when a person trusts you? How is ‘trust’ shown?

Before we get into the details, you should know that trust cannot be bought. It is earned. So it is not about forcing yourself to trust someone else (please don’t do that). The person needs to be trustworthy before you should start to trust the person. But how can you know if a person is trustworthy? Here are six signs to show a trustworthy person:

  1.  You feel comfortable around them: The first sign is tied to your guts. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable around the person. Or is your guard always up when the person is around? Do you have the feeling that this person is a sweet talker?
  2. They respect you and your boundaries: Some people want to be close to you because they care. But people who care truly know how to respect your decisions and your boundaries. If the person is constantly stalking you, clinging to you, or crossing clear boundaries just to get close to you, then it is a red flag.
  3. They are relaxed with you: A trustworthy person should also trust you. They should be able to confide in you and talk to you in a relaxed manner.
  4. They compromise: It’s not every time things go as planned. Sometimes, the event might need one person to compromise for another. When the person is ready to compromise for you, allow you to take the upper hand; that is a sign that the person can earn your trust.
  5. It should not be only about you: The person shouldn’t be nice to you and rude to other people.
  6. They are consistent irrespective of bad days: Everyone has bad days, and you cannot necessarily control how you behave during those moments. How does he behave when the waitress spills coffee over his white shirt?

Examples of Trust

Now, let’s go over some real-life examples of how trust works:

  1. A blind man lets a child lead him across the road despite the busy sounds of cars around him.
  2. A team leader allows his team to handle a task without supervision and submits it to the executive officer without cross-checking it.
  3. A mom allows her daughter to cook dinner for the family and guests without vetting it first.
  4. A wife supports that her husband is innocent despite complicating photos of him with another woman.
  5. A man gives his friend a huge sum of money to keep and to later invest without suspicion of possible financial fraud.

Though there are more examples of trust, if you have found yourself doubting if you can do any of these things, you have trust issues. So you no longer have to ask yourself what trust issues meaning is. You already know it.

What are Trust Issues?

While it is tempting to say that it is when someone has issues with trust, trust issues meaning is more than that. Indeed, it is when your ability to trust has been compromised. But it could also mean you start to believe everyone cannot be trusted — even those who are trustworthy. Get this: it’s not just that you cannot believe what a person says. You don’t think anyone can speak with integrity; that’s bad. Aside from assuming betrayal, even when it was not intended, you stay away from people in the hope of guarding your heart against betrayal. It’s like judging a book you haven’t read by the cover you haven’t seen; this trait is very vivid in a woman.

Signs of a Woman with Trust Issues

The following are the signs of a woman with trust issues:

  1. She’s too protective of you and your whereabouts
  2. She doesn’t trust your friends and maybe even family members.
  3. She refuses to be vulnerable or defenseless
  4. When there’s an argument, she brings up past issues.
  5. She snoops and overthinks until she’s satisfied there’s no cause for alarm
  6. She stalks you
  7. She hates it when you do things without her. This also goes with her wanting to know everything that’s happening around you.
  8. She had an evident fear of abandonment
  9. She holds grudges
  10. She tends to focus on your flaws and mistakes, using them to judge you.

Even if you are a man and possess these signs of a woman with trust issues, you must look deep down at what’s causing it. Ask yourself, “Why do I have trust issues?” After you know why you have trust issues, you can fix them.

Why do I Have Trust Issues?

There are many reasons a person could have trust issues. It could be tied to past traumas or a person’s attachment style. So let’s look at both to see which reasons apply to you.

  1. Past Traumas: Infidelity (or multiple cases) can cause a person to develop trust issues. The same thing applies to victims of manipulation or mistreatment.  Childhood abuse by a trusted person or abandonment is another factor. Some people also have issues trusting medical practitioners if they have been misdiagnosed with a severe illness.
  2. Style of Attachment: According to attachment style theory, ties with caregivers during childhood influence adult relationships. Ineffective parenting frequently results in insecure attachment styles, which can later cause feelings of abandonment. A 2015 study discovered that a person’s attachment style, which may be connected to behaviors like jealousy or abuse, is related to mistrust in romantic relationships.

Now that the question,  ‘Why do I have trust issues?’ has been answered, it is time to learn how to overcome trust issues.

How to Trust?

The following are the steps to learning how to trust again:

  1. Accept that people will always let you down: That’s how people are. But it doesn’t mean you should end the relationship. If you were hurt, make it known. If you felt disrespect, state your boundaries. In short, you can take control of the situation.
  2. Communicate: Instead of building walls, or pushing people away, learn to live with people. You can only learn to trust people if you allow them in.
  3. Accept vulnerability: Speaking of allowing people in, you might need to embrace vulnerability. Open up to people and allow them to earn your trust.
  4. Choose your circle: While doing all these things, you must guard your heart so you are not betrayed again (if you can control it). So look out for trustworthy people and stay away from toxic folks.
  5. Be more optimistic: There are some good people out there who are genuinely trustworthy. So don’t push everyone away. There are some great friends out there.

How to Fix Trust Issues?

Now that we have come to the end of this guide, you need to understand that trust issues are different from natural mistrust. Natural mistrust is when you don’t trust a stranger or a villain. However, if you see that despite the person’s kind heart, you still can’t seem vulnerable because of fear of hurt, that’s trust issues. If you still have trouble learning to trust, visit a professional counselor. Since they are trained in mental health, they can assist you in finding fresh approaches to establishing and preserving trust.